Why these seven words of sympathy after a tragedy deserve praise not scorn
Sympathy is important but we must do more after a horrible tragedy
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}"Our thoughts and prayers are with you." This statement of sympathy is almost predictable, and increasingly questioned or mocked by cynics for its appropriateness, after a tragic event. It has become a stock phrase in both sympathy cards and tweets. People have grown uncomfortable with these seven words of condolence communicated in reaction to heartbreaking news.
But that doesn’t make these words less true, and they’ve been said a lot recently in the aftermath of the tragic school shooting in Nashville — and doubtless will be again on the heels of a shooting that has just unfolded at a bank in Louisville, Kentucky.
When did this become a pithy remark and the standard expression of sympathy extended to those suffering some grievous loss? And why does it make some people angry or upset when this phrase is used to convey that our thoughts and prayers are with the grief-stricken? More importantly, what difference do our "thoughts and prayers" make in the lives of those who are suffering?
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Some point to the 1999 Columbine High School shooting in Littleton, Colorado, as the first time the "thoughts and prayers" phrase became popularized by the national media. Since then, public officials, first responders, community leaders and media spokesmen have parroted these words when addressing the victims’ families of mass shootings, accidents, natural disasters and military casualties.
Bryan Menefee, who lives in the neighborhood, kneels in front of the memorial set up at Old National Bank in downtown Louisville, Tuesday, April 11, 2023. Old National Bank employee, Connor Sturgeon, reportedly shot and killed 5 people and wounded several others the day before. (Alexander Kent for Fox News Digital )
To be fair, most people who convey their condolences via their "thoughts and prayers" sincerely do so, with genuine concern and compassion for those suffering personal loss or death of a loved one. They are sending a simple message of shared grief: "I feel your pain." It’s a sympathetic message to the suffering that they’re not alone. Religious people express their thoughts and prayers as a personal commitment to invoke God’s promise to be "near to the brokenhearted and save the crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18, ESV).
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}Unfortunately, the "thoughts and prayers" phraseology has fallen victim to semantic saturation — a phenomenon where the overuse or uninterrupted repetition of a strong word or phrase eventually causes the word to lose its intended meaning. Of course, the repeated use of the "thoughts and prayers" response is a sad commentary on a world constantly filled with news of the latest mass shooting, horrific crime or natural disaster.
The irreligious and cynical have become increasingly indignant toward those who express their prayerful condolences to those personally affected by tragedy. On Dec. 2, 2015, shots erupted in the Inland Regional Center in San Bernardino, California, leaving 14 dead and others injured at a holiday party. Stunned and saddened by this mass shooting, condolences poured in across the media, including the overwhelming response, "Our thoughts and prayers are with you." One newspaper outlet responded indignantly with a glaring headline, "GOD ISN’T FIXING THIS." The paper wrote: "Prayers aren’t working!"
American journalist Emma Green, with The New Yorker, responded by dubbing the headline as nothing less than "prayer shaming." Arguably, to those who do not believe in God or a higher power or in a spiritual force of any kind, offering our "thoughts and prayers" in response to tragedy seems hollow and thoughtless.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}Some consider such responses as nothing more than a vain idiom, a worn-out cliché that fails to provide any real comfort to the sufferer or a tangible action plan to prevent such occurrences in the future.
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It's true that grieving people need more than our sympathetic and encouraging words. We must not stop with our thoughtful condolences. First, we must follow up our commitment to pray with our prayers for those facing personal loss or the death of a loved one.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}Religious people believe that tremendous power is released through their passionate, heartfelt prayers, moving God to surround those impacted by tragedy with supernatural comfort, peace, and hope.
To be fair, most people who convey their condolences via their "thoughts and prayers" sincerely do so, with genuine concern and compassion for those suffering personal loss or death of a loved one. They are sending a simple message of shared grief: "I feel your pain."
Second, conveying "our thoughts and prayers" must lead us to action on behalf of those stricken with tragic circumstances. Whether it’s political action, specialized training in disaster response, developing best practices to make safe public spaces — we must work together, even as we pray together.
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{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}Lastly, our thoughts and prayers for others requires our follow-up support, such as providing meals, cards and letters, and community assistance to those enduring the painful grieving process.
Our thoughts and prayers go out to the Nashville, Tennessee, community as they continue to grieve for those connected to the recent massacre of three children and three adults at The Covenant School. We must pray for the families affected by this mass shooting. Yet, that doesn’t preclude the pressing need for Americans to have meaningful discussions and the development of preventive action plans to push back the forces of evil in an imperfect world.