With childlike wonder, many of us have pondered the mysteries of the universe. We ask questions like why do ships disappear in the Bermuda Triangle; how did those statues get on Easter Island; or what killed the dinosaurs? But I’ve never been unclear about who is a mother and whether celebrating their unique sacrifices was worth a holiday. With Mother’s Day coming quickly, here’s a little tutorial on why you need to honor the women who made life a little bit better, one sandwich at a time.
A mother is a woman who by birth or adoption lovingly devotes herself to her child or children. It’s not complicated. It’s not confusing. And should a mother drop the ball, it’s clearly a problem and a loss that only underscores the need for a mom. But most of the time, for most women, motherhood is so noble a sacrifice that a card can’t begin to encompass that kind of commitment, which makes the current erasing of motherhood both offensive and tiring.
Talk about demeaning cultural appropriation, slurs like "chest feeders" or "birthing person" don’t create equality, they just erase unique contributions because no biological man can do what we women do, nurture life within ourselves and nurture life day in and day out in a way that is uniquely feminine.
And as great as fathers are or can be, that doesn’t make them a mom.
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The History Channel tells us that honoring mothers is as old as the cultures of ancient Greece and Rome, and as fresh as the flowers sold to mark the day. In 1908, the holiday first made an appearance, getting pre-printed on calendars as a shopping reminder starting in 1914.
A mother is a woman who by birth or adoption lovingly devotes herself to her child or children. It’s not complicated. It’s not confusing.
The woman who made it happen was Anna Jarvis who masterminded the day to honor her own mother, who was quite the reformer. Following the Civil War, Anna’s mom Ann Reeves coordinated a Mothers’ Friendship day to bring North and South together. Anna took up the cause.
"She wanted Mother’s Day to be a very private acknowledgment of all the mother does for the family," said Katharine Antolini, a history professor at West Virginia Wesleyan College.
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Eventually, the mother of Mother’s Day came to hate the commercialism. You have to wonder how she would feel about the outright attacks on motherhood itself, timed to hijack the remembrance.
Take Time magazine, which felt compelled to say that what they really want for Mother’s Day is fewer mothers, in a thuggish article titled: Flowers and Cards Are Nice. I'd Rather Have Bodily Autonomy. The author fretted that on the first Mother’s Day after the end of Roe v. Wade, motherhood might happen. Planned Parenthood makes similar tone-deaf pronouncements year after year on a day designed to honor a choice for LIFE.
Wouldn’t it be nice if activists could take a day off from their pet issues to just celebrate Moms, the ones who care for you, loved you, sacrificed for you, and want to hear your voice.
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Is Mother’s Day really the day to talk about not being a mom? Read the room. There are 364 other days to choose from for that soapbox.
With four children of my own, I have the stories all moms have – of broken limbs, hastily assembled projects, and countless meals, which sometimes may be loosely defined when you’re in a rush. Being a great mom is a passion, a goal, a hope, and a daily event, where like the sun, a mom rises to try again. It’s not about being perfect every day; it’s about showing up every day.
In motherhood, the attendance record really does count.
It’s a pretty glorious stage of life when you know all the answers to the homework. Eventually, the math gets too hard, and your kids are pretty sure you don’t understand their stresses. But as they grapple with the adult issues, moms get smart again (even if you don’t know ALL the answers.)
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My mother and mother-in-law are no longer here for me to honor in person. I’m blessed to have one grandmother left, who at 91 has a lot to teach me. All are irreplaceable in the story of my family’s life. I owe them so much more than my thanks, but I humbly offer it.
If you can’t say something nice about moms on Mother’s Day, give it a rest, and let the rest of us have a beautiful moment. Frankly, moms could use the peace and quiet.