Woman who left very tall brother in economy class while she took first class was not wrong: Reddit users

A woman on Reddit who says she was alienated and given the cold shoulder by her family after she accepted a free first-class upgrade on a vacation did nothing wrong, Reddit users said, weighing in on her drama. 

Reddit user "Abbyissostupid" told Reddit's "Am I the A--hole" (AITA) subreddit about her dilemma in a post on Friday, April 26, titled, "AITA for not letting my 6'6" brother have the free first-class upgrade the airline gave me on our 12-hour flight?" 

In the post, the woman said she's currently on a family trip in Hawaii to celebrate her father's recent retirement, and that he paid for the entire family to attend. 

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"There are six of us but my brother and I live in the same part of the country," she said — so the two of them were on the same flight to Hawaii.  

"I guess it's relevant to say I am 5'1" and my brother is 6'6," she wrote. 

A frequent traveler for work, she said she has "quite a bit of status with the airline for which my dad bought our tickets."

As she and her brother were boarding the plane, she was approached by a flight attendant and told that a spot in first class had become available. 

The flight attendant "whispered that they had a first-class passenger not show up, and they needed the coach seat to accommodate a standby passenger," said Abbyissostupid. 

"She said I had by far the most status of anyone on the plane, so they were willing to move me to first class for free." 

"I had a nice flight."

The woman happily accepted the upgrade, she said, and "took it in a heartbeat." 

"I told my brother I'd see him in 12 hours and let me know if he wanted any food or drink and I grabbed my stuff and moved," she said. 

"Needless to say, I had a nice flight."

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Her brother, however, was quite upset that she did not give him the upgrade instead, as he is much taller and presumably could've used the extra legroom to be more comfortable. 

After the plane landed, her brother refused to speak to her for the entire ride to their hotel, she said — and then told her family that she had been upgraded. 

"We had a nice hello with the rest of the family, but after I got down from my shower my mom took me aside and said what I did ‘was awful,’" said Abbyissostupid.  

Confused, the woman said she asked her mother what she was talking about — "and she said that I should have given my brother the seat."

The Reddit writer added, "I thought that would be the end of it, but all five of my siblings and my parents are upset with me and the vacation is off to a very rough start," she said. 

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Her siblings even told their children to avoid her for not being a loyal family member, the woman said.

"My sister said, ‘No, they only like to play with people who give a s--- about their family — what were you thinking?’" wrote Abbyissostupid. 

When the woman pointed out that her brother never even asked for an upgrade, the sister replied that he should not have had to — and that she should have automatically given her brother the upgrade for his comfort. 

"I've been by myself since brunch and not having much fun. AITA?" asked Abbyissostupid of others on Reddit. 

In an update to the post after others had commented, Abbyissostupid added that her family is still angry at her, but to varying degrees — and that she's been spending time instead with a friend who lives in Hawaii. 

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"So my vacation will be great no matter what," said Abbyissostupid. "But reading your comments really gave me confidence to not give a crap (or try to at least!). Thank you." 

Fox News Digital reached out to Abbyissostupid for further updates — and to a relationship expert for advice on the topic. 

‘People make poor decisions all the time’

Dr. Kathy Nickerson, PhD, a clinical psychologist based in California, said in an email to Fox News Digital on Saturday afternoon, "It would have been nice for the [Reddit writer] to give her brother the upgrade because coach is far less comfortable for someone who is 6'6" than 5'1". However, I can understand that since the flight attendant whispered in her ear, [the woman] might have thought she needed to be discreet and not offer it to her brother."

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Nickerson added, "If we could go back in time, I would have whispered in [the woman's] ear: 'Are you OK here? I know it is not first class, but can you deal with this and let your brother go instead? Seems like he's pretty uncomfortable.'"

"The best thing to do is apologize to her brother and express understanding to her family."

She also said it would have been "a thoughtful, loving, kind gesture" for the woman to offer the first-class seat to her brother.

Said Nickerson, "Now that it is done, the best thing to do is apologize to her brother and express understanding to her family. It's reasonable for everyone to feel the way they do; it's not so reasonable to ruin the family vacation because of it."

She noted that in her experience, "People make poor decisions all the time. People can be selfish and thoughtless sometimes. Everyone deserves compassion and a chance to make amends. Having everyone in the family berate and criticize the [woman] is not helpful."

Rather, she said, "it creates an emotionally unsafe environment, which only encourages more harmful behavior."

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Nickerson said she'd advise "a family meeting, where they can apologize for the hurtful choices, all around — and express some understanding for the others' feelings and agree to do better next time, then move on. Let's forgive each other, learn from this and enjoy our trip."

Most commenters on Reddit, however, had a very different point of view.

On the AITA subreddit, people can reply to posts and indicate the poster is "NTA" ("Not the A--hole"), "YTA" ("You're the A--hole"), "NAH" ("No A--holes Here") or "ESH" ("Everyone Sucks Here").

Users can "upvote" responses they think are helpful and "downvote" ones that are not. 

Most users said that the woman was "NTA" for taking the upgrade — and that the airline likely would not have allowed her to give it to her brother, even if she wanted to, they said. 

"Had something happen to me years ago on Air Canada. Vancouver to Toronto red eye. Flying with adult daughter and got tagged for upgrade," said Reddit user "BetAlternative8397" in the top-upvoted comment. 

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The user continued, "I asked about letting her fly upfront instead and was told the seat is only available to the status holder. I was exhausted from a week working away, so I took it," the person added. 

"No reason you should have turned it down."

The same individual noted, "No one shamed me for it" and said that Abbyissostupid's brother was rude and jealous. 

"NTA, but you sure have a family of them," said Reddit user "Fearless_Ad1685" in another top comment. 

"Your status got you the offer. If you declined it, it wouldn't have gone to your brother anyway," Fearless_Ad1685 continued. 

"No reason you should have turned it down just to stay in coach with your brother."

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