Reddit user asks if she was wrong to wear 'colossally large' engagement ring to a relative's engagement party
Family upset over a ring has a California etiquette expert weighing in on the 'bling drama'
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}A Redditor recently sought advice in the "Am I the A*****e" (AITA) subreddit regarding the proper etiquette for donning an engagement ring — after family chaos ensued because of her actions.
"AITA for wearing my engagement ring when I knew my stepsister was getting engaged?" asked a Reddit user who goes by the handle "throwaway_ringdrama," in a post written on Tuesday, Jan. 3.
The user, who says she's a 28-year-old woman, explained that she became engaged to her fiancé in early December. She also shared that she was staying with her mother and stepfather over the Christmas holidays.
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Her stepfather's "whole family" planned to come over for a New Year's Eve party, the Redditor continued, adding that Matt, the boyfriend of her 29-year-old stepsister, Rachel, was planning on proposing at the party.
"For the party, everyone was dressing up, and obviously (to me) I was wearing my engagement ring," she wrote.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}While the groom-to-be was "a bit cold with her" over the engagement ring she displayed (not pictured), the Redditor said that she chalked that up to pre-proposal nerves on his part. (iStock)
"Everybody already knew I was engaged, but it was the first time they'd seen the ring in person, so at the start of the party, everyone was interested in seeing it," the user wrote.
Matt was "being a bit cold with me," throwaway_ringdrama said, but added that she chalked it up to his nerves regarding the proposal.
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{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}"The proposal happened and it was beautiful," the Redditor continued.
"Everyone congratulated Rachel, but it was kind of a 50/50 on people wanting to look at and compliment her ring and mine."
"I've been engaged for weeks, and everyone already knew about it. It's not like I stole her thunder."
"A lot of comparisons" were made between the two engagement rings, she noted, but termed it "nothing unkind."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}She added, "Everyone was really happy for Rachel, as was I."
The Reddit poster said that people made "a lot of comparisons" between her ring and her stepsister's new engagement ring. (iStock)
The next day, however, "Rachel and Matt blew up about me wearing my ring to the party," with Rachel even saying that throwaway_ringdrama "was deliberately trying to draw attention to myself on her special night," she continued.
She was taken aback by this allegation, the Redditor said.
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She added, "I've been engaged for weeks, and everyone already knew about it. It's not like I stole her thunder, nor did I intend to by wearing my ring."
"I wore it because I'm engaged, so it's what you do," she wrote.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}"She also said that given that my ring is quite unique, I should have considered it would draw attention."
Her future brother-in-law said that throwaway_ringdrama's ring was "colossally large," and that by wearing it, she was "intentionally showing him up in front of the family," the Redditor continued.
The rest of throwaway_ringdrama's family apparently did not share Rachel and Matt's thoughts.
A newly engaged woman asked others on Reddit if she was wrong for wearing her own engagement ring (not pictured) to a New Year's Eve party in which a close family member was also getting engaged. (iStock)
"My stepdad called them both stupid for their outburst," she wrote.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}"My stepbrother says there's no way I could have known that's how they'd feel. It's not like they asked me not to wear it."
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Her mother, however, said that "while she knows I didn't do it deliberately, she can see where Rachel is coming from, since everyone preferred my ring to hers."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}"You cannot control other people's emotions and their perspective and so forth."
The Redditor continued, "She also said that given that my ring is quite unique, I should have considered it would draw attention."
"I think I might be the a******e because Rachel and Matt think I embarrassed them, and perhaps I should have known my ring would draw attention," she said.
Although a ring reportedly created controversy within a family (not pictured), a California etiquette expert said that it was "perfectly fine" for the engaged woman to wear her ring to a family party. (iStock)
One manners expert came down firmly on the Redditor's side when considering the bling drama.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}Elaine Swann, a California-based etiquette expert and the author of three books on the topic, told Fox News Digital that the poster was completely within reason to wear her engagement ring.
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"I wouldn't say etiquette would dictate that you should not wear your engagement ring to an engagement party, especially as you're there to celebrate the couple along with everyone else," Swann said in a phone interview.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}"So I think it was perfectly fine for her to wearing the ring," she said.
"You are engaged. It is normal for you to wear your ring, especially at family occasions."
On the topic of "ring envy," Swann drew insight from one of her books.
"I wrote a book called ‘Let Crazy Be Crazy,’" she said, noting that one of the principles in the book is to "ignore the crazy and keep the matter of fact."
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"You cannot control other people's emotions and their perspective and so forth," said Swann.
"And so in this instance, I would not even try. I would just leave that person alone and not try to debate with them."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}The Reddit poster was criticized by her future brother-in-law, who said her ring (not pictured) was "colossal" and attention-grabbing. (iStock)
Other Redditors on the social media platform also found the original poster not at fault in the sticky situation.
On the AITA subreddit, Redditors can reply to posts saying that the poster is "NTA" ("Not the A*****e), "YTA" ("You're the A*****e"), "NAH" ("No A*****e Here") or "ESH" ("Everyone Sucks Here").
Users can "upvote" responses they think are helpful and "downvote" ones that are not.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}"NTA. You are engaged. It is normal for you to wear your ring especially at family occasions," wrote Redditor "rainyreminder" in the top-upvoted comment on the original post.
"What's next — can you not bring your husband to their wedding because any reminder that anyone else has ever gotten married would be upstaging their day," joked rainyreminder.
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{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}Rachel and Matt's anger is misdirected, said another Reddit commenter.
She is "definitely NTA for simply wearing her ring. The AHs are the people at the party who made a show of comparing [her] bigger ring to Rachel’s smaller one and making it known that [hers] was better," said a Reddit user, "artichoke 313."
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{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}"That is a really crappy thing to do, and I understand why Rachel felt bad being treated that way. But her anger was misdirected," this individual wrote.