Processing the suicides of beloved stars: Grief expert shares thoughtful insights
Deaths of Stephen 'tWitch' Boss and Naomi Judd this year are ‘hard for us to comprehend'
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}This story discusses suicide. If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, please contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 or 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
The tragic passing of "So You Think You Can Dance" legend Stephen "tWitch" Boss this week has shocked the public and led to many questions about his suicide.
The act of suicide can be tricky for many people to understand and process, especially when a beloved star or other prominent person is involved — someone who appeared, at least on the outside, to "have it all."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}ELLEN DEGENERES' FAMED DJ TWITCH DEAD AT 40
The passing of beloved singer Naomi Judd, who died in April of this year, is still something that many people are processing as well.
Los Angeles-based grief specialist David Kessler suggested that talking out the issue is an appropriate first step for those trying to process the very sad news of a celebrity's passing — or anyone's sudden passing, for that matter.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}In an interview with Fox News Digital, Kessler noted that talking about it is not only helpful for processing — it honors the person who's been lost.
"tWitch" became well known as a DJ for Ellen DeGeneres. The tragic and sudden passing of "tWitch" has shocked many people. (Getty Images)
"It is the world we live in that we are still surprised by this happening," he said.
"So many people have said things like, ‘Oh, but [tWitch] seemed so happy.’"
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}STEPHEN ‘TWITCH’ BOSS OFFICIAL CAUSE OF DEATH REVEALED: CORONER
"'How can this man who danced his way into our hearts die by suicide?' – [this] is sort of the question we're grappling with," added Kessler.
Although it seems as if the death of a celebrity shouldn’t have as profound an impact on people as the passing of a family member or close friend, Kessler said that the grief people feel is still very real.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}The death this week of Stephen "tWitch" Boss is "hard for us to comprehend," said grief expert David Kessler of Los Angeles. (Maarten de Boer)
"Public figures are part of our life, and they remind us of our life and who we are and sometimes who we want to be," he said.
"When people like [tWitch] bring happiness and love into our life and music and song and movement, it's hard for us to comprehend, ‘How did he give that away to so many of us and maybe not have it himself?’"
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{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}The founder of grief.com added that "public grief is real grief," as it's possible for public figures to still "touch our lives."
"Unfortunately, we cannot change what happened with this dear man," he said.
Stephen "tWitch" Boss and Alex Wong returned to "So You Think You Can Dance" to perform their iconic hip-hop routine choreographed by NappyTabs on July 21, 2015. (Photo by FOX Image Collection via Getty Images)
"But what we can do is use his death to help us connect with other people – to talk about this, to end the stigma, to encourage people to use 988 if they're having self-harming thoughts."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}The loss of country music star Naomi Judd by suicide also shocked the public this year.
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Kessler shared that he spoke with Wynonna Judd, a daughter of Naomi, about grappling with the grief.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}But Wynonna insisted that people be reminded of the "truth" about suicide — that it’s not selfish, and that it’s not a choice.
Naomi Judd passed away in April 2022 at the age of 76. "We have to change that dialogue that if you smile and if you're doing your job well, it means you're completely happy and there are no problems or issues," said grief expert David Kessler. (Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP)
"She goes, ‘Repeat that. Repeat that. People don't believe that,'" Kessler recalled about his conversation with the singer.
He also pointed out the "reality" that it’s common for people to struggle silently.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}"Just because we don’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there," he said.
"We have to change that dialogue that if you smile and if you're doing your job well, it means you're completely happy and there are no problems or issues."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}Kessler encouraged people to take the opportunity to have less judgment and more understanding around mental health and self-harm issues.
Wynonna Judd and Naomi Judd performed together as The Judds. (Jeff Kravitz/Getty Images for CMT)
This includes flipping the conversation from "suicide is a selfish act" to "self-harming thoughts are an illness to the mind."
"We know that when people die by suicide, they were dealing with excruciating pain — and they were trying to find a way to stop the pain," he said.
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When it comes to talking it out, Kessler suggested starting a conversation by acknowledging those who have recently lost their lives to suicide and discussing how it’s made a personal impact.
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{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}The expert shared his "three Cs" for people to remember when grieving a death.
Those are: We didn’t cause it, we couldn’t control it and we couldn’t cure it.