Caregiving for a spouse during good times and bad: One military man's incredible story

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Jim Lorraine discussed how he is helping America’s veterans during the holiday season

America's Warrior Partnership CEO Jim Lorraine provides advice for veterans struggling with mental health challenges during the holiday season on 'Fox News Live.'

Jim Lorraine served in the U.S. Air Force as a flight nurse, with nine different combat deployments in his military career.

After 22 years of service, Lorraine — who is today based in Aiken, South Carolina — retired as deputy command surgeon for the United States Special Operations Command and became founding director of the U.S. Special Operations Command Care Coalition. 

He served as special assistant for Warrior and Family Support to the Chairman, Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Today, he is CEO and president of America's Warrior Partnership, a nonprofit organization whose mission is to partner with communities to prevent veteran suicide.

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As impressive as his career of service has been and still is, his personal story of caring for his wife during a number of health challenges is also extremely noteworthy.

"You’ll do anything for your partner," he told Fox News Digital. "You have to stay positive and supportive despite what seem to be barriers at every turn."

Jim Lorraine is an Air Force veteran who is today caring for his wife, Becky, as she faces medical challenges. She, too, had "a thriving career as a nurse practitioner" in the U.S. Air Force, he told Fox News Digital in an interview. (Courtesy Jim Lorraine)

In time for Friday, Feb. 17 — National Caregivers Day — Fox News Digital checked in with Lorraine via a detailed email exchange on the path his life has taken.

Here's his dramatic and personal story.

‘Thriving career as a nurse practitioner’

Fox News Digital: What do you most want people to know about how and why you're caring for your wife during her health challenges she's facing? Tell us what happened. 

Jim Lorraine: Becky had a thriving career as a nurse practitioner in the United States Air Force.  She was leading the medical clinic for United States Special Operations Command, she had been promoted to colonel, had completed almost a year of deployment overseas leading all aeromedical evacuation of all wounded, ill or injured from Iraq and Afghanistan, we had a house full of our children and grandchildren — life was good.  

"Her clinic called to tell me Becky had been found unresponsive — and they weren’t sure what was happening."

I was working at United States Special Operations Command with double duty as a special assistant to the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. We were both on top of the world.  

Then, while I was at the Pentagon, her clinic called to tell me Becky had been found unresponsive in her clinic — and they weren’t sure what was happening.  

By the time I returned to Tampa, we learned that Becky had suffered grand mal seizure. It was devastating.  

Over the next few weeks and months, the seizures continued — and we’d learn that she had developed adult onset epilepsy, likely secondary to head injuries related to her military service. 

Jim Lorraine with his wife, Becky. "She was one of the first women to complete the Army’s Airborne school with a later assignment to the 7th Special Forces Group," Jim Lorraine told Fox News Digital. Today, she is battling through severe medical challenges — and her husband is right by her side.  (Courtesy Jim Lorraine)

Becky had a wild military career starting out as an Army private. She was one of the first women to complete the Army’s Airborne school with a later assignment to the 7th Special Forces Group. 

She had been knocked around a lot on her jumps and training. The doctors and later the NIH confirmed that her early injuries likely contributed to her epilepsy. 

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When all this happened, it was fast. Becky was unable to drive and started riding her bike six miles one way to the bus so that she could get to work, since she wasn’t allowed to drive.  

She wasn’t going to quit or let this take her career. Then her condition caught up with her and the military processed her for medical retirement.  

"While Becky’s seizures had been reduced through medication, the side effects were debilitating."

This was never in her plans — and too early for her. It was devastating.  

Her seizures continued and we worked around getting to appointments, meetings and her seizures. Living in Tampa wasn’t conducive to transportation for the most basic things, like grocery shopping or basic life.  

While Becky’s seizures had been reduced through medication, the side effects were debilitating.  For me, my work, support to Becky and taking care of the family weren’t working out.  

For Becky, she was pushing forward like she always did. She was doing her best — but she needed another environment where there was other family support.  

The Lorraines during their years of service in the United States Air Force. "When you live with someone who has seizures, you’re always waiting for the next episode," said Jim Lorraine about his wife's health challenges today.  (Courtesy Jim Lorraine)

So we both decided to leave the military and move near family so that we had more help.  

I had resigned the position working for the Chairman of the JCS and was commuting between our new home in Aiken, South Carolina, and Tampa — thanks to the support from the leadership at U.S. Special Operations Command. 

‘Aggressive form of breast cancer’

Six months after Becky moved to Aiken, she developed an aggressive form of breast cancer that would require chemo, surgery and balancing the medication to treat her seizures.  

When this happened, I left my military career — and joined her in Aiken to provide full-time support. 

"Becky and I are both nurses. We are focused toward service."

In Aiken, I took the lead for a local nonprofit so that I could be home more but still provide financial support to our family. Financially, we weren’t sure where we were going to land.  

Becky’s medical retirement was not finalized and we didn’t know how she would be categorized by the VA. There was so much [that was] unknown.  

Over the years, Becky has adapted to her epilepsy and breast cancer while remaining active. Her seizures continue, though they're not as severe as when they first started. 

"Caregivers are not alone," veteran Jim Lorraine told Fox News Digital. "There are programs like the ones I've mentioned. There are people who have gone through this process and have your back." (iStock)

Still, when you live with someone who has seizures, you’re always waiting for the next episode.  

Becky and I are both nurses. We are focused toward service. Having military service-connected disabilities is life changing and the bureaucracy is a bear.  

There are more unknowns than knowns. When we went through this, there weren’t programs like the Elizabeth Dole Foundation or Military Caregiver Network. The Wounded Warrior Project really helped Becky through many of their programs — and I can’t thank them enough. 

‘Stay positive and supportive'

Fox News Digital: How have you stayed focused and firmly positive through all of this as you care for your life partner? 

Lorraine: You’ll do anything for your partner. You have to stay positive and supportive despite what seem to be barriers at every turn.  

The medical system is difficult to navigate, especially when you have DOD medical care, Veterans Affairs care, and you receive Medicare because of a medical retirement. Navigating these systems is very hard — and you need someone who will tell you it’s OK.

"When it first happened, we felt pretty alone, especially going through the medical discharge process."

Fox News Digital: How much help do you have today as you care for your wife?

Lorraine: I have a lot of help now. In the early days there wasn’t a lot — but now friends, family, colleagues and caregiver-focused programs are there.  

It took time. When it first happened, we felt pretty alone, especially going through the medical discharge process. 

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Fox News Digital: Any other key points you’d like to make that you feel others should know?

Lorraine: Caregivers are not alone. There are programs like the ones I've mentioned. There are people who have gone through this process and have your back. 

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America’s Warrior Partnership Network is a great entry point to partner with the Elizabeth Dole Foundation, Military Caregiver Network of the Red Cross, the Wounded Warrior Project, and so many other groups. 

For more information about America's Warrior Partnership Network, check out the group's website at www.americaswarriorpartnership.org.