Dax Shepard said he had 'bizarre fears' about announcing relapse: 'I was terrified'
The star had been sober for 16 years before relapsing
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}Dax Shepard is opening up about coming clean.
In September of last year, the 46-year-old actor announced publicly that he'd relapsed with opiates after a motorcycle accident. At the time of his announcement, he said he didn't have a drink or use cocaine in 16 years.
During a virtual appearance on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" on Tuesday, Shepard spoke about going public with the information and why he found it so difficult.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}"I did not want to [announce the relapse] at all," he admitted. "I had all kinds of bizarre fears like, 'I have sponsors on my show, is that something that could cost me money financially?'"
However, it wasn't just about money for the "Bless This Mess" star, but also about his fans.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}"But the number one thing I was afraid to lose was: I get so much esteem out of being someone who's vocally sober and I have people to write me, 'I'm month one' or 'I'm week 2' and I love that, that's my favorite thing about being in public," he explained.
Shepard added: "I was terrified I would lose that. I really cherish that and I have a good friend that said, 'You know, if your real goal is to help people, it's not very helpful that you're 16 years sober and married to Kristen Bell. That doesn't help a ton of people, in fact, it probably makes their life worse.'"
DAX SHEPARD SAYS SHE'D 'REALLY, REALLY GRATEFUL' FOR FANS' SUPPORT AFTER REVEALING RELAPSE
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}The actor's friend said that his relapse has "actual value" for followers and that announcing it is "the thing you can do that's helpful."
Shepard was convinced and went public with his renewed addiction saying that the idea of opening up "got a lot easier" after hearing that perspective.
Dax Shepard admitted that he was 'terrified' to speak publicly about his relapse. (Photo by Amy Sussman/Getty Images)
On the Sept. 25 episode of his podcast "Armchair Expert," the 45-year-old actor admitted he was taking too much Vicodin for shoulder pain. Shepard said he was "on [pills] all day."
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"I'm allowed to be on them at some dosage because I have a prescription. And then I'm also augmenting that. And then all the prescriptions run out and I'm now just taking 30 mil Oxys that I've bought whenever I decide I can do [it]," he said.
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{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}Shepard also described his detox. "I'm sweating bullets; I'm jerky; my back kills. It's terrible," he said. "I've never detoxed from opiates."
He confirmed he's been seeking help at the time and also spoke with his family and a small friend group.
Fox News' Jessica Napoli contributed to this report